Like Boobs Through A Paper Shredder, These Are The Days of My Boobs.

So have you ever been leaning over too far while shredding documents and gotten your boob stuck in a paper shredder?  I didn't think so, and if you have, I think you are too dumb to read my blog.  However I am pretty sure that if that were to happen, it would feel exactly like what my boobs feel like today.  I went to my post op today, and to see if I needed more crazy meds.  Good news I DO, but only until I am over this surgery caused hump...he hopes.  I didn't pick up the prescription today.  I still have plenty of Valium and Vicodin so I should be good for a bit.  After my first appointment of the day I got a pedicure.  My very first in fact.  They are so very pretty.  Anyways that was a nice treat.  Then I went to Wal-Mart and looked for bras. 

I will say this up front, I AM CHEAP.  I don't like spending money  on myself, so as it was I was already guilty over that whole pedicure and then I go to try to find a bra under 10 bucks. Apparently there was an APB to all stores within a 50 mile radius to take any and all bras off the shelves that might fit my newly tiny D cups and hide them until I leave.  I think I might have mentioned yesterday that in the entire Target there were 2 bras in my size, and neither one spoke to me.  I have been wearing ugly bras for years and years and damn it I want something that makes me feel like a woman.  I recently purchased 3 bras from Fredericks Of Hollywood that would so totally fit the profile if it weren't for the fact that I could fit the cup over my head.  See once the cup is larger then a basketball it is no longer womanly and now in the freak show category.  I found one bra that I might maybe be okay with, however I ran into a new snag.  The back of the bra only has three hooks.  3.  Seriously, the last time I had a bra with 3 hooks I still had Barbies and Care Bears.  My back feels kinda naked with it on.  Maybe I will just go without a bra they are perky right now so I could pull it off.  You know except that my nipples aren't in sync with each other so I might have one that is hard as a rock and one that is all mushy.  Have I mentioned that my nipples feel just like a condom in a package.  They are firm around the edges but squishy in the middle.  Its strange.  When I was trying on bras I started to notice how badly my boobs were hurting.  When I took my sports bra off it made my eyes tear up it was that bad.  So I cut that trip short and headed on over to the Plastic Surgeon's Office.

Once there I checked in and proceeded to read my book.  It's Not News, Its Fark.  There was a large family there of about seventeen, most of them toddlers and all of them captivated with me.  Here is the thing about Audra and her boobs.  I have two little bundles of sunshine of my own.  Rarely do I find other children in public appealing to play with.  I have my own at home, I don't need to go elsewhere to ignore children and be on the internet.  Especially if I am actually out without mine.  I don't even want to see kids.  That is unless they are newborns.  Who couldn't love a newborn, and I try to always tell the parent that their child is beautiful because I remember being insecure and wanting to hear that non-stop when I had a newborn.  I will not however stop someone in a store to gah over their child.  Because I also remember needing to get through the store whilst setting a new land speed record so that I could have my child home to nap.  God forbid a nap happen in the car then my day will be shit.  I am off subject, where was I?  Oh yes the family with the 20 kids whom the parents just let run around and jump on strangers, greeaat.  At least I had Fark.  Hey and guess what, the Dr was 45 minutes behind schedule.  SUPER.  I couldn't even amuse myself with the guess the surgery game because there were too many of them to try to figure which was the patient.  Also I try to avert my eyes from strange children lest they think I want them to talk to me.  It isn't that I don't like kids, I just don't like kids that aren't mine or very close to me.  If I can't be comfortable enough to tell the kid to shut it, or to wipe their nose on my shirt, then I really have no interest. 

When I finally saw the Dr he told me what I already knew, my breasts are SPECTACULAR.  Ok so maybe what he said was that my breasts are healing great and that they are way further healed then could be expected and also I still can't go to the gym or shoot my gun.  He also said that my armpit fat will go down over time, but that they could only take so much out before they were just hurting me.  So perhaps that is why I am not that bruised, my Dr didn't take as much out.  That was pretty much it.  I will see him again in two weeks to see what he thinks then.