The Uglier Side of Healing.

The worst part of this entire process has been the emotional tailspin it has sent me into.  I have never claimed that I was an emotionally stable individual to begin with, I didn't however expect that a surgery I have dreamed of most of my life would send me into the spiral it has.  My healing process has been exceptionally dull.  I haven't had any problems that would cause me to be down, but then I guess that is the beauty of hormones.  They strike with no reason. 

I don't want to gloss over anything in this process.  I have tried to make light out of most of it, but I have to say without doubt that the anxiety attacks and mood swings I have been having are the single most terrifying part of the entire procedure.  This feeling like there is this ball of twine in my chest and it just starts wrapping tighter and tighter until I just feel like its going to burst out of my chest and that is about the time I lose it and start yelling at someone.  Or I start hysterically crying over something as insignificant as how badly Windows Vista sucks balls. 

I have spoken with my Dr and he is sure it will pass, but that doesn't make it less scary while its happening.  For now I have my Valium, and a prescription I really need to pick up from Walmart but just don't want to stand in a three mile long line to get it.  I don't have the patience for that right now unfortunately.  Hey maybe if I started talking to myself in the line about how I needed my psych meds the other people in line would run for safety paving the way for me to get to the front of the line. Hmmmmmm